Letter to the Council

Dear Mrs Beauchamp,

I am writing to you as leader of the Highbridge council. I have been a resident of the Highbridge cemetery for a century many years and there are a number of things that have been affecting my calm demeanour of late.

Firstly, is it really necessary to mow around the graves, monuments & crypts quite so often, take so long when doing so and provide the gardener with a mower that sounds like a bag of bolts? I work hard all night and when I finally get to lie in my coffin, I expect to sleep like the dead. The mower keeps me awake. I am becoming grouchy and unpleasant.

Being very modern in my outlook, despite my 274 years, I would like power and broadband to be laid on to my crypt. I have, as I mentioned earlier, been a resident for many years and during that time scant little maintenance has been done on my premises.

I also must protest over the closure of the blood bank at the Highbridge hospital. This is an essential facility for the residents of Highbridge and does the best drink-from-a-bag fast food anywhere.

Finally, please stop digging and leaving open graves directly outside my crypt. I stepped out about midnight last night and disappeared six foot down a hole. This did not show the level of cool you have a right to expect from a vampire.

Yours sincerely,

Aoibhe O’Sunlight


~ by afraidosunlight on July 3, 2011.

One Response to “Letter to the Council”

  1. Nice letter, Aoibhe! Stick it to The Man! Indigo

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