Customer Focused

Apparently mortals have been complaining of poor service from us vampires. Common complaints are:

1. Not nearly scary enough
2. Lacking style
3. Uneven bite marks
4. Angst
5. Glittering in sunlight
6. If male not looking as sexy as David Boreanaz
7. If female not looking as hot as Kate Beckinsale

The BVA (British Vampiric Association) has requested we no longer refer to mortals as Victims but rather as Customers.

Those whom we turn by mistake should now be known as First Class Customers.

They seem to have rejected my suggestion that Priests be known as Yummy Snacks.

They did also insist Shallow Graves will henceforth be known as Sample Burials.

I would like to add that should any of my Customers compare me unfavourably to Kate Beckinsale I will give the ungrateful git a Sample Burial head first.


~ by afraidosunlight on July 26, 2011.

One Response to “Customer Focused”

  1. Hey Aoibhe! The complaints about ANGST I can understand. Good grief, they’re superior in every way, and have no food bills to speak of, and they’re so damned moody. Miserable even. But hey, the tortured thing goes down well with the teenage girls. Remember what I said about food bills? It must be like self-delivering meals. *slaps forehead* Indigo

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